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Monday, 16 April 2012

Me or Mum-Me?

'Muh-meeeee'. It has to win the award for most over-used word these holidays. I love it and kind of dislike it a bit at the same time.

We've had a lovely time over the holidays, but I'll have to admit to wanting tomorrow morning to come - and go - without a hitch. Back to School day. Sasha still has a cough and is already saying she's too poorly to go, but I'm really hoping her curiosity and love for her teacher will swing it in the morning. I need them to go! The time to think and work seriously (whether through the in-tray or the laundry pile) in long chunks of time is something lacking in life with young children.



Recently as I settled the girls off to sleep with cuddles, it suddenly hit me how they are my life, almost my whole reason for being. I can't believe it's taken me nearly 7 years to realise that I have changed. I'm not 'me' any more, I'm now mum, or 'mum-me'. I don't actually think those two words should be mutually exclusive, but I do feel like somewhere along the way, as the grey hairs have developed, 'me' and 'mum-me' have grown further apart.

It's been a fairly tough ride, but a hugely rewarding one. Then again I'm sure all mothers would say that. I filled in a questionnaire a while ago for the Carers organisation - that's what I'm classed as now, a full-time carer to a disabled person. I'd probably agree with you that that's a bit over the top; Sasha has her challenging times for sure but she's also incredibly polite, tries to be independent in some ways and is full of life and fun. Carers informed me that the results showed my emotional well-being was slightly under average. Not sure I should analyse that for long, else it'll probably slip even further down.....!

So this year, as I am about to turn the big 4-0, I think it's only fair that I should try and find 'me' again. Blogging helps, as it is often a source of inspiration; ideas of new things to try and new ways of thinking. It also provides a lot of advice and support when you need it most, and a way to get things off your chest - 'Blogerapy' maybe?! As plenty of mums and teachers have said before me, a problem shared is a problem halved, and I definitely believe that's true.

So I'm going to stop feeling guilty about the 'me' time I've arranged, which amazingly already includes two trips in an aeroplane without the girls. It also includes two pop concerts without the girls, and the concert already enjoyed with my first-born which will probably go down as my favourite this year as I enjoyed it through her. I'm going to meet up as much as possible with girlie friends old and new, whether that's for coffee, afternoon tea, shopping or drinking - or all of that together. And last but not least, I'm going to try and give Mr C some of the credit back for being a great Dad and long-suffering husband.

Happy Summer term everyone!


14 comments:

  1. What a lovely, inspiring post. It's so easy to forget about yourself as a mum, but I agree with you that finding some me-time is really important. Makes us better mums in the long term!

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    1. Thanks. Wrote it a couple of weeks ago actually - it's the only post I've ever written in advance.... but you know how it is, being a mum, it wasn't perfect and I never found the time to finish and publish!!! ;)

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  2. A great post Steph; really positive and as Molly says inspiring. I look forward to hearing how you get on.

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    1. Thanks Deb. Will definitely send updates - it's nice to feel positive and I hope it's contagious!

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  3. I enjoyed this, and I hope you'll blog about some of your plans :)

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    1. What, so you can live them vicariously through me??!! Oh OK then ;)

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  4. Never feel guilty! It's healthy to be you as well as mum. I still look at my 12 yr old (eldest) son and wonder how it is that I'm an actual Mummy!!! We never really feel grown up, I guess! Time has a way of flying.

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    1. Does time just keep flying quicker and quicker though?! Had better get lots done now then, just in case!

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  5. I think child free time to relax and unwind is incredibly important even if its a rare occurance. It makes me appreciate the kids more x

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    1. That is so true. It's definitely in their interests for me to go to pop concerts then, right?! ;)

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  6. Good post. My wife turns 40 this year and we have a few excursions planned. We're going to try two nights away, which is a first. What I'd like most is for her to feel a sense of being herself, because, as you describe, that's been sacrificed. It's ok to be you and it doesn't have to be exclusive to being all the other things we are.

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    1. Hope your break works out OK. You need it for both your sanities!! Just a bit of headspace can work wonders.

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  7. Great post,

    child free time is so important and makes you enjoy them even more

    xx

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    1. exactly. that's what I shall be telling myself, mantra-like, this time next week when I am in Italy!!!!

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