Born Naughty? Decoding PDA is a newly published book written by Libby Hill. Libby is a well-respected Speech and Language Therapist whose work featured in Channel 4’s Born Naughty? Programme back in 2015 (see my review of that here: Are any children born naughty?). She has spent many years assessing and supporting families and children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), hence the subtitle, A Decade of Discovery in Practice. Her special interests are noted as being complex autism and Selective Mutism.
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Right from the start of this book, the tone is conversational. You feel as if you’re sitting talking over a cuppa with someone who truly understands neurodiversity - not just in an academic sense, but in the messy, lived reality of families. Libby has used the potentially controversial title because of her work on the TV programme but it’s clear she doesn’t believe PDA children are “naughty” - the whole book is intended to help others understand how they are neurologically different - especially in how they handle demands and anxiety.
Structure & practical tools
The book is divided into two parts, with the following chapters in Part One:
2. What is PDA?
3. Why Pathological Demand Avoidance is hard to diagnose and is often seen as a contentious issue
Part Two is Case Studies - twelve accounts from a variety of children and young people and their families.
Throughout the book, Libby uses real-life interactions and observations to explain her thoughts and understanding. There are plenty of examples of suggested language that may help PDAers; for example, in the assessment section she explains her key principles for negotiating with a PDA-er:
1. Make it feel like their idea so instead of issuing a direct request, frame it as a shared thought or curiosity, for example, for “you need to do X today”, we might say, “Hmmm, I wonder what kind of game would work best for today.”
2. Use indirect language and curiosity (as used in the PACE approach by Dan Hughes). Avoid phrasing that feels like a demand or an instruction. For example, instead of “you must do this homework”, try “I was just thinking about how some people like doing homework on the settee and others at a table. I wonder what works best.”
3. Offer choices. Give options but make them feel natural rather than forced. For example, instead of choosing the sub-test and expecting them to do it, try “some people do this one super quickly, and some take ages… I wonder what today will be like.”
4. Use playfulness and humour. If they sense pressure they’ll resist. Playful negotiation lowers anxiety. For example: instead of “you have to go now”, try “I bet I can get to the car before you! No way you can beat me!”
5. Make it a shared problem to solve. Position challenges as something you’re figuring out together rather than something they must do. For example, “Hmm, we need to be in maths class by three… I wonder how we can get everything sorted in time?” This invites them to come up with the plan, which means they’re in control.
6. Allow for delays and redirection. PDA may need more processing time to agree to something. Instead of “come on, you have to do this now”, try “take your time, I’ll be over here when you’re ready.”
7. Let them feel like they’re in control, even when the outcome is non-negotiable, framing matters. Instead of “we have to leave in five minutes”, try “do you want to leave in 5 minutes or 7”? (Both get the job done, but they get to choose).
The therapy chapter that follows this is comprehensive with many more detailed examples of how to help. Libby covers how to build rapport and feel safe, reactions from PDA-ers such as equalising behaviours and banter/bad language, through to declarative language, rewards, praise and using interests. There are also suggestions of phrases to include in an EHCP, adapted from the PDA Society’s EHCP Guide.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and PDA
Like me, Libby believes that many children diagnosed with ODD could have underlying autism, probably with a PDA profile that has not been seen or that is not understood. This chapter takes a look at what some of the similarities and differences between ODD and PDA are, for example in the responses to demands:
- ODD: Likely to react with aggression or frustration when demands are placed on them.
- PDA: More likely to avoid, use excuses, or engage in role-play, distraction or shutdowns when faced with demands.
There are more examples like this that I think will be extremely helpful to anyone who is not sure whether ODD or PDA is more relevant as a diagnosis.
PDA and autism with Extreme Demand Avoidance
As a result of assessing many children and young adults over the years, Libby feels that PDA is a distinct profile, not just 'autism with extreme demand avoidance'. She explains her thoughts in more detail in this chapter, and provides this very helpful table depicting how some differences might show up:
Picture description:
Reason for avoidance: Autism with EDA (AwEDA) = anxiety, sensory overwhelmed, executive dysfunction, or needing predictability. PDA = A hardwired need for autonomy. All demands feel like a threat to control.
Demand types: AwEDA = typically avoids demands related to sensory discomfort, executive function challenges, or rigid routines. PDA = Avoids all demands, even fun ones, due to deep-rooted autonomy needs.
Response to pressure: AwEDA = may comply with structure, gentle encouragement, or motivation based on interests. PDA = Becomes more resistant, the more the demand is emphasised.
Strategies used: AwEDA = can include avoidance but often shows shutdowns or passive resistance. PDA = Uses social strategies like distraction, excuses, role-play, or masking before reaching meltdown.
Social presentation: AwEDA = may be socially avoidant, struggle with reciprocal interaction, and prefers predictable routines. PDA = Shows surface sociability (can appear charming, persuasive, or use role-play to escape demands).
Flexibility of interests: AwEDA = special interests are internally driven and tend to be stable over time. PDA = Interests can be used tactically to avoid demands or shifted suddenly.
Emotional honesty & hope
I know that lots of readers of my blog are parents of PDA children so that means I also know that the chapter titled ‘Working with Parents of PDAers’ will be of great interest to many. Libby is one of those people who just ‘gets it’ and who supports parents whenever she can. The chapter begins with:
Working with parents of children with PDA can be particularly challenging for professionals; not because the parents are “difficult”, but because of the complex, exhausting and often traumatic experience of raising a child with a highly anxious and demand-avoidant profile.
“The parents who come to us tend to have exhausted other options. They are emotionally depleted, often traumatised by years of battling for recognition and appropriate support.” (Gill et al., 2020; Green et al., 2018). A recent study shows that parenting a PDA child is different from parenting other neurodivergent children. The demands are relentless, the traditional strategies fail spectacularly, and the emotional toll is staggering. The study by Sam Curtis and Dr.Elizabeth Izett, “The experience of mothers of autistic children with a PDA profile: an interpretative phenomenological analysis” finally puts into words what so many parents live.
Libby follows this by highlighting why the parent experience matters, how past experiences colour current interaction, parental advocacy can be misinterpreted, and the impact on the parent-professional relationship. She summarises with tips on how to support parents of PDA children/young people and her final words in this chapter really stood out for me:
"Parents are not looking for pity. They are looking for allies."
Final section and Part Two
In the summary, Libby explains that this book has been written based on her understanding ‘at this point in time’. She points out that there are still many unanswered questions about PDA, and that research is possibly around seven years behind what many of us have already experienced first hand.
Part Two is a collection of experiences from a sample of children that Libby has worked with over the past ten years. A variety of situations, girls and boys, from the age of four right up to 18 and those at stages along the way. Not all the same story, but with common threads and similarities. Some of them mention EOTIS (Education other than in school) and some discuss education settings and experiences. The words ‘the arrival of a new head teacher marked the beginning of a catastrophic shift’ jumped out at me. The connecting factor for all these case studies, as far as progress and outcomes are concerned, is the way these PDA children have been understood and supported to find their way in life.
A human-first approach
This is not a technical manual stacked with clinical jargon. Instead, it reads like guidance from a trusted friend who has spent a decade walking alongside families facing PDA. There’s empathy woven throughout, from the first chapters on understanding PDA to later sections covering internalised PDA, burnout and outcomes for teenagers and adults with a PDA profile.
Libby incorporates anonymised real-life examples from her ten years of practice throughout. The language section includes phrases that I know a fair few parents will be able to imagine their PDA-er also using, such as “But what is homework, really? A construct by society to keep us tethered to endless toil. If I complete it, am I not merely a cog in the system?”. And I’ll admit to laughing out loud at the comment from an 11 year old boy who was expelled for describing a TA as a ‘f$@#ing fat, fatuous, fart of a fellow.’
Libby has always tackled misconceptions such as children being “attention‑seeking” in her work and she champions a language‑based, explanatory, anxiety‑reducing approach that prioritises gentle education over confrontation. Through it all, her voice remains clear: understanding and connection matter far more than control or punishment.
Ideal Target Audience
If you’re a parent, caregiver, or educator who suspects or knows a child has PDA, and you’re feeling uncertainty, overwhelm, or confusion - this book is for you. It’s also ideal for those who want practical strategies rooted in neuroaffirming understanding, not punishment. It welcomes readers familiar with autism or those just discovering it. The tone suits readers who prefer gentle honesty over expert lecturing. You don’t need a degree in psychology for this book to make sense - empathy, common‑sense tools, real‑world examples, and the hopeful reassurance that PDA can be understood and supported are all included.
Would I recommend this book?
Absolutely. If PDA is part of your family’s language but you feel isolated, misunderstood, or exhausted, this book feels like a gentle, brilliant companion. It doesn’t promise miracle fixes, but it does offer understanding, connection, and suggestions for small shifts that make a difference.
The book is deeply informed - based on ten-plus years of real-world practice. It has a conversational, empathic tone that reads like personal support. Full of practical tools such as reflective prompts and communication strategies, all with a positive tone.
For educators seeking ways to help PDA individuals, families navigating new autism diagnoses, or those feeling lost in professional jargon, this book is grounding, upbeat, and full of examples of how PDA children might talk and react.
Final thoughts
Libby decodes the myths, translates the science into practical everyday tools, and honours the complexity of each child and each family. The writing is wise yet simple, empathetic without being too sentimental, and very relatable.
This book does not disappoint - easy to read, compassionate, practical, down-to-earth, and full of real, lived experience. Available now via Amazon Born Naughty? Decoding PDA.
It is 10 years since the channel 4 program born naughty aired. At that time, very little was known about pathological demand avoidance (PDA). The programme turned out to be a light-bulb moment for many parents with children who were struggling and also for adults who realised they had PDA.
Libby Hill was one of the consultants on the program and as a result has had hundreds of families take their children and young people to be assessed by her and her team, especially for educational healthcare needs assessments or assessments for Tribunals. Her therapy caseload comprises these more complex cases. This book showcases in part one what Libby has learned over the past 10 years as a speech and language therapist and the current thinking in 2025. Part two is a collaboration of case studies of children and young people with PDA with whom Libby has worked.
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