Power On is honestly one of the best books I've read in the last ten years. Especially relevant to me as mum of two 'Gamer Girls' but equally useful for any parents or carers or grandparents whose children use technology of any kind - so that'll be most of us then!
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ll know that screens and gaming have been a big part of our family life for years. Not in a “glued to screens 24/7” way, but in a “this is necessary downtime, a way to make friendships and a love of special interests” kind of way.
Ash is a teacher who began researching video games and music education while completing a Masters in Music Education, but found there seemed to be very little research on implementing gaming-based strategies in a classroom. Now Ash uses their understanding of tech and gaming to help children learn and also to support families to approach screen time with less fear and more curiosity. This book is not trying to persuade parents that screen time is good but rather about finding balance in a way that benefits the whole family without them feeling guilty.
In this post I’m going to share some quotes, and explain what I liked about this book and why you might like it too! I'm not sure I'll do the whole book justice though so I definitely urge you to check it out for yourselves.
What Power On is all about
The full title is: Power On: Managing Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family.
and that really does sum it up. This isn’t a book about controlling children or “detoxing” from tech. It’s about finding sustainable, realistic ways for screens to fit into your family life, if that's what you want – and that includes thinking about the adults’ screen habits!
The book is relevant for all ages, and includes ideas that might not ‘fit’ for now but could at a different stage. It’s written in a friendly, practical way and you can dip in and out as needed rather than feeling you have to read it in one go. Perfect for tired parents whose brains are already full. There are ten chapters, split into three main parts:
Unlearning and Reframing
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The Screen Time ABCs
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Your Screen Time Action Plan
Ash starts by challenging the idea that screens are automatically “bad” and everything else is automatically “good”. Instead, they suggest looking at the context:
What is your child doing on the screen?
How do they feel before, during and after?
What else is happening in their life – school, friendships, mental health, sensory load?
What's it all about? Is there an issue with Screen Time?
Early on in Chapter 1, this great quote jumped out at me:
"The amount of screen time your child has is not inversely proportional to your success as a caregiver. Having more screen time does not make you an inferior care-giver, and having less screen time doesn’t make you a superior one. The right amount of screen time is an amount that benefits your entire family."
Ash acknowledges that the right amount is likely to be different for every family and follows up by recognising attitudes about Screen Time:
"If you’ve ever handed your child a screen in public to give yourself a break, eat a meal in peace, or give your child a chance to unwind, you may have encountered long glances or maybe even outright judgment. The world pressures parents to raise silent, convenient children; if kids are fussy and frustrated, parents feel like they’ve failed. And yet, if those children are silent thanks to entertainment from a screen, that is also a failure."
I think many of us parents of neurodivergent children will have felt that kind of judgement keenly somewhere along the way, and sometimes it's us, putting the pressure on ourselves. However, Ash reminds us that screens are something that most adults use these days; they are great tools that allow us to get more work done, to be more organised, to learn, to stay in touch with others and more. Children might not use them for all the exact same reasons, but they are still a tool for them too, and the screens should definitely have their place in modern day homes. It's up to us to consider the options and figure out how we want to manage this.
Let’s Look at the Research
The chapter about research is a good one to set the scene – Ash explains how there is much research about screen time already out there, but that the variable factors in the research (such as age of users, what the screen time is being used for, older research when technology was not such a huge part of everyday life etc) mean that it's hard to compare and draw final conclusions. Ash suggests we are better off not focusing on the scary headlines we’re all used to seeing, Instead maybe we should consider:
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Why a lot of the “screens are ruining children” claims are based on weak or oversimplified data
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How correlation and causation get muddled in media reporting
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Why context (what’s going on in the child’s life) matters far more than a single number of “hours per day”
There are too many grey areas when it comes to research and screen time - such as around the question of what people believe actually constitutes screen time. Does it mean reading a book on a Kindle or on an iPad app? Playing games on consoles or watching TV? Completing homework on a tablet or video calling a friend? This is not to say that the research is pointless or useless, just that the detail needs to be considered and then also compared against individual families' situations. Plus, bear in mind that we can all pick and choose the research we want to highlight, like this one:
"Regarding older children, a longitudinal study of over ten thousand five- year- olds in the UK found that playing video games or watching TV had no association with “conduct problems, emotional symptoms, hyperactivity/inattention, peer relationship problems or prosocial behavior” at age seven. The only negative finding was an increase in conduct problems for children who watched TV in excess of three hours per day.
Parkes, A., H. Sweeting, D. Wight, and M. Henderson. “Do Television and Electronic Games Predict Children’s Psychosocial Adjustment? Longitudinal Research Using the UK Millennium Cohort Study.” Archives of Disease in Childhood 98, no. 5 (2013): 341–48. https://doi.org/10.1136 /archdischild-2011-301508£
Ash mentions that there have been reports of positive impacts of screens, such as improved aspects of well-being or skills such as responsiveness (the following reference is given for this: Granic, Isabela, Adam Lobel, and Rutger C. M. E. Engels. “The Benefits of Playing Video Games.” American Psychologist 69, no. 1 (2014): 66– 78. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0034857)
I loved this chapter. For me, it was a reminder that research is truly interesting, but it can't give us all the answers. And there are always exceptions. If you read some of the research it would suggest that the amount of screen time our younger daughter has had should have made her depressed... but she's definitely not!
So many of us already carry guilt about what our children aren’t doing – clubs, parties, sleepovers – that screens can feel like yet another thing we’re “failing” at, especially if we pay attention to the inflammatory headlines. Seeing the research discussed calmly was very reassuring.
In the following chapter, which asks us to think about motivation, there's a great section discussing whether screen time should be used as a reward and then thoughts on how we can use screen time to bridge to other interests - there is a table which explains the different types of games - I hadn't ever thought of this before but it's interesting to see them grouped this way - and it gives alternative "screen-less" activities which might appeal. So the categories are a) objective driven (completing missions, levels, quests, etc.) such as Kirby and the Forgotten Land, one of our girl's favourites, b) skill games (fighting, racing, speedrunning) like Mario Kart, c) open world which includes Minecraft, Legend of Zelda and The Sims and d) multiplayer. You might find that your child prefers one type - our PDAer enjoys a range of all of these (although she is very specific about what she will play!).
The Screentime ABCs
A is for Access, B is for Behavior, (aka the Parenting Boss Stage) and C is for Content: Choose Your Player.
"Access to screens covers everything related to how a child accesses a screen, such as how much time is allowed, the conditions under which screen time is allowed, starting and ending screen time, deciding when it will be allowed during the day, and so on. Behavior in relationship to screens could present as how a child is conducting themself or speaking to others in online play, how they are regulating their emotions during play, or how they are interacting with family in order to get or maintain access to screens. Content of screens is not just the show or game itself, but the structure of content, the types of devices and ways of interacting with them, and most important, the tools available to manage and safeguard content."
Access means we think about:
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Who can use which devices and when
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Where devices live (bedrooms? shared spaces?)
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How Wi-Fi and passwords are handled
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Shared family expectations around “always on” versus downtime
What I liked is that Ash doesn’t hand out one rigid set of rules. Instead, there are lots of reflective questions to help you figure out what makes sense for your family.
For PDA and demand-avoidant children, I think this chapter is especially helpful. Rather than springing “new rules” on a child (which rarely goes well here!), Ash encourages collaborative discussions, transparency and predictability – all things that tend to reduce anxiety.
The chapter on behaviour leads us to think about our behaviour as well as the child's. Ash writes about the emotions involved when gaming, and the skills learnt. Three steps are suggested - one = Name What You Notice, two = Validate the Underlying Feeling or Experience and three = De- escalate, Regulate, or Give an Alternative. There are lots of great pratical solutions for difficult situations in this chapter.
C for Choose Your Player is a really interesting look at the educational side of screen time. Ash considers topics such as what content can be considered 'safe', and what might be free-to-play, but at a cost. How do we decide which games are 'good' or safe?
An Action Plan
Part 3 of the book walks us through some ideas for an action plan, in a way that is not condescending, dictatorial or like a lecture but instead extremely clear and helpful, with lots of practical top tips. It begins with a chapter covering online safety, where Ash describes how they use the S.T.A.R. framework: Settings ( to control Time), Ads/App store, Restrictions.
Instead of “here’s a big scary internet, good luck”, we get:
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Practical suggestions for privacy and parental controls, explained in plain language
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Ideas for talking about tricky topics (content, strangers online, in-game purchases) without terrifying children or shaming them
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A focus on modelling and developing skills for our children – we can be teaching them economics in terms of how to budget and understand value, and how to notice red flags and look after themselves online, not just blocking everything and hoping for the best
For anxious or autistic young people, this approach feels respectful. It assumes they are capable of learning skills and making decisions with support, rather than them or the screen time being problems to be controlled.
In the chapter Red Flags and What to Watch Out For, dopamine and addiction are considered. There's a great anecdote about how Ash's time spent playing the The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild game when their child was napping eventually led to a love of 'real-world' hiking. In effect, what Ash is suggesting is that there are times when we may be able to introduce alternatives to gaming. Although I feel it's unlikely that I'm going to be able to inspire our PDAer in that way now she's 18, I think it could have been helpful to consider this more when she was younger.
Chapter 9 covers aspects such as choices, consistency, autonomy and how we implement and enforce all our ideas. Much easier if you're starting this when your children are young of course, but one of the top tips is that there should always be discussion and when we come from a place of understanding all that has been written about in this book, we are far more likely to have success with our action plan.
For PDA families, the “Input” and “Enforceable” pieces that are covered are gold. We can easily tie ourselves in knots by agreeing to limits we can’t actually support (or that trigger massive anxiety), and then everyone ends up feeling like they’ve failed.
Ash writes about how we should make sure that rules and boundaries are NICE: address Needs, have room for Input, be Consistent, and be Enforceable. Any rules or boundaries should be genuinely meaningful and sustainable – for example:
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A simple “check in” routine rather than complex time-tracking charts
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Clear family non-negotiables (like no devices during an urgent conversation or in the car for certain children who get motion sick), but with lots of flexibility elsewhere
Achievement Unlocked
I love the title of this final chapter – it taps into gaming language in a really positive way.
This quote below was one of so many that I highlighted throughout the book, but I think this one is particularly fitting to end to my review with:
"Gaining a new perspective and approach to screen time is not about a quick fix or a one- size- fits- all solution. This, like so many parts of caregiving, is about understanding ourselves, our kids, and the world they will exist in so we can prepare them and nurture the skills they’ll need. We accomplish that not by banning screens nor by unilaterally embracing them, but instead by shifting our thinking to include space for leisure, fun, and hobbies. Once video games and screens are no longer seen as a threat to productivity or achievement, we can build an understanding of not only why they are motivating, but how we can use this motivation to diversify a child’s interests, all while keeping an eye out for potentially worrisome signs."
Why Power On works so well for neurodivergent and PDA families
Although Power On is written for all families, there are several reasons I think it’s particularly helpful if you’re parenting autistic, ADHD or PDA children:
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Neutral tone, not moral panic – Many of our children already feel “too much” or “wrong”; they don’t need another thing they love to be described as “addictive” or “dangerous” in front of them.
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Collaboration over control – The emphasis on input, consent and realistic boundaries fits well with low-demand, relationship-centred approaches.
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Respect for special interests – Games and online spaces are treated as legitimate hobbies and social spaces, not just “screen time” to be reduced.
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Recognition of nervous system needs – There’s an understanding that meltdowns around stopping screens are often about regulation, transitions and anxiety, not “naughtiness”.
Who I’d recommend Power On for
I’d particularly recommend this book if:
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You’re exhausted by constant arguments about turning screens off
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You want to be more relaxed about screens but feel pulled back by fear and scary headlines
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Your child’s main hobbies or friendships are online and you’d like to understand that better
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You’re parenting neurodivergent children and need approaches that respect their needs rather than simply demanding obedience
It would also be a brilliant book to hand to grandparents, professionals or anyone else who still thinks games are just “a waste of time”.
Final thoughts
Power On doesn’t promise to solve every tech-related issue in family life – and I think that honesty is part of what makes it feel trustworthy. Instead, it offers:
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A calmer, more nuanced way to think about screens
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Simple frameworks that you can actually remember and lots of practical advice
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A sense that you’re not failing if screens are part of your child’s life – you’re just living in the real world
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