As a mum of a neurodivergent child who has eaten the same eight foods every day for over a decade, I know the stress around this all too well. Mealtimes aren’t always the relaxed family bonding moments we’re promised in baby books. Sometimes they’re a battlefield of fear, sensory overload, rigid routines and… beige food. Lots of beige food.
And here’s the thing nobody tells you at the start of your parenting journey: feeding a child is not always intuitive. There’s an unspoken assumption that we should just know how to get our children to eat well. When that doesn’t happen, the judgement (from others and ourselves) can feel crushing.
So today I wanted to share more about what I’ve learnt about eating difficulties for neurodivergent children - why they happen, how common they are, and most importantly, how we can support our children with patience and compassion. This post comes with a trigger warning though because I know this can be an extremely emotional topic. And whilst there are difficulties in our house, they are not as extreme as others face.
So today I wanted to share more about what I’ve learnt about eating difficulties for neurodivergent children - why they happen, how common they are, and most importantly, how we can support our children with patience and compassion. This post comes with a trigger warning though because I know this can be an extremely emotional topic. And whilst there are difficulties in our house, they are not as extreme as others face.
When is it Time to Seek Medical Advice?
Before we dive in, an important note: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist or feeding therapist. I’m a parent sharing experience, research and ideas. If you feel you're at a point where professional support is needed, always speak to a GP or specialist.
It’s worth seeking medical advice if your child:
- Gains or loses weight very quickly
- Coughs or chokes while eating
- Shows signs of nutritional deficiency (tiredness, dizziness, or eating non-food items like paper or dirt)
- Has tooth decay
- Eats fewer than 20 foods
- Refuses one or more whole food groups
- Avoids social or school situations because of eating
- Becomes very anxious about body shape or weight
- Shows delayed puberty or missed periods
Understanding ARFID and Other Eating Differences
Our daughter’s diet has been described as self-restricted, and could be said to fit under the term ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). ARFID only became an official diagnosis in 2013 (before that it was often called Selective Eating Disorder), and it’s still relatively new to many professionals.
What is ARFID?
ARFID Awareness UK classes it as "more than just picky eating" and gives the following explanation:
ARFID is characterised by a pattern of eating that avoids certain foods or food groups entirely and/or is restricted in quantity (eating small amounts). Avoidant and restrictive eating cannot be due to lack of available food, or cultural norms (e.g. someone who is fasting or chooses not to eat certain foods for religious or cultural reasons alone).ARFID can affect anyone, children, teens and adults, and it can occur at any weight.
ARFID is different to other restrictive eating disorders in that:
- ARFID isn't affected by a person’s beliefs about the size and shape of their body.
- Someone with ARFID doesn't restrict their food intake for the specific purpose of losing weight.
- ARFID doesn’t feature some of the other behaviours that can be associated with anorexia, bulimia, or OSFED, such as over-exercising.
ARFID is one reason for restrictive eating, but it isn’t the only one.
Other Eating Challenges Often Seen in Neurodivergent Children
Food struggles are rarely simple. They can include:
- Avoiding foods by taste, smell, texture or appearance
- Neophobia — fear of new foods
- Concern about hygiene or safety
- Bowel discomfort (tummy pain, constipation, diarrhoea)
- Binge eating — struggling to stop once started
- Pica — eating non-foods (paper, dirt, chalk, paint)
"Does my child have an Eating Disorder?”
Eating disorders are caused by a complex mix of biological, psychological and sociocultural factors. Research shows that neurodivergent people (for example those with autism or ADHD) are at increased risk compared with neurotypical populations. Prevalence estimates in the UK vary, but at least one million people are living with an eating disorder.
So let’s talk about some of the patterns involved, not to worry you, but to empower you to spot concerns early.
Binge Eating Disorder (BED)
Involves eating very large quantities of food without feeling in control of what’s happening, then feeling uncomfortably full.
Bulimia Nervosa
A cycle of eating large quantities of food, and then trying to compensate for that overeating through various means (throwing up, excessive exercise, fasting, laxatives).
Anorexia Nervosa
Restricting food and/or exercising to avoid weight gain, often accompanied by a distorted body image.
OSFED (other specified feeding or eating disorder) - eating struggles not fitting exactly one of the other categories mentioned here.
Orthorexia - not yet a formal diagnosis but used to explain when an individual has a fixation on “healthy” or “clean” eating.
For more information on all of these, please visit the BEAT Eating Disorders website - they note that “it’s important to remember that you can never tell how unwell someone is just by looking at them or considering their weight.”
Why Food Can Be So Difficult for Neurodivergent Children
Neurodivergent children often process the world differently - sensory input, emotions, interoception (internal awareness like hunger/fullness), executive function, and anxiety all play roles in eating.
Sensory Processing and Food
- Smell (strong odours = overwhelming)
- Taste (intense flavours can feel painful)
- Texture (smooth, lumpy, crunchy, mushy - all potential triggers)
- Temperature
- Visual appearance
- Sounds (cutlery clanking, chewing noises)
Some have super-acute senses and can detect the tiniest of recipe changes - yes, even when packaging looks identical!
Interoception Differences
ADHD-Specific Factors
- Seeking satisfaction through food
- Slower glucose absorption can lead to craving sugar
- Purging can temporarily increase dopamine (in bulimia)
- Stimulant medication often reduces lunchtime appetite
- Lack of sleep and stress can dysregulate hunger hormones
Routine, Predictability and Safety
Consistency = safety.
When our daughter was younger a broken biscuit could lead to a full on meltdown… it might sound crazy but something in more pieces than expected can be seen to be a whole different food.
I suggest thinking of this as a gentle toolkit, rather than a checklist to master overnight!
When our daughter was younger a broken biscuit could lead to a full on meltdown… it might sound crazy but something in more pieces than expected can be seen to be a whole different food.
Practical Strategies (Without Pressure)
I suggest thinking of this as a gentle toolkit, rather than a checklist to master overnight!
1. Remove Stress From Mealtimes
✅ Stay calm
✅ Avoid bribing or forcing
✅ Separate emotions from the meal
✅ Allow safe foods without withholding them
✅ Support sensory needs (ear defenders, movement, screens, wobble cushions)
The question of screen time at mealtimes is a highly discussed and often divisive one. For our daughter, we realised that the screen functioned as a distraction and meant there was more chance of her feeling relaxed and therefore more able to eat more and try new foods.
Focus on the phrase ‘food first, rules second’.
2. Explain the Purpose of Food
You could talk about how bodies are amazing. They help us play, learn, move, think, laugh, and do the things we love. To do all of these things, our bodies need fuel. Fuel means energy, and food gives our bodies energy.
Avoid labelling foods as “good” or “bad”. Children don’t need guilt, they need safety and understanding.
3. Create a Predictable Mealtime Routine
Consider sitting down once a week to plan breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks.
Make sure their safe foods are available. Batch cook if that’s an option for you.
Routines can reduce anxiety. Remember though, your idea of mealtimes may look different from theirs. It’s okay if:
They eat separately for a while
They move around while eating
They eat in front of the TV
Snacks come before dinner because it works
It helps to remind ourselves that we’re raising humans, not trying to perform a parenting-textbook demonstration.
4. Involve Children in Shopping and Food Prep
5. Keep Safe, Healthy Snacks Available
- Bite-sized fruit
- Vegetable sticks
- Bagels or wraps
- High-protein yoghurt
- Cold pasta pots
- Mini pancakes or oat muffins
- Rice cakes
- Wholegrain crackers
- Pieces of cheese
Cereal might be an option for some although some varieties are healthier than others. In our house, cereal was only ever eaten without milk by our daughters, not something I could do as it would be way too dry for me!
6. Keep a Food Diary
- More food variety than you realised
- Clear patterns (e.g. texture, colour, shape)
- Better intake over a week than a day
- Certain foods always avoided due to smell/noise
When Your Child Eats Very Few Foods
Some ideas for new approaches:
Visual Food Charts
It might help to print pictures of foods they already eat happily, along with some foods they might try, and new foods they succeed with. Add stickers or photos as they explore, create a log but with no pressure and no shaming. They might not be ready to see it right now, but it might help at a later date. Or might just help you to see the progress.
Gentle Exposure
A few years ago we went through a period where ‘Taste Test Tuesdays’ were a thing in our house. Not enforced; this was an idea our PDAer came up with because she knew her diet was limited and thought she should expand it. She wanted to make it more ‘fun’ by covering her eyes so she couldn’t see what I had put on the plate/bowl for her - I wouldn’t recommend that for everyone, but again, it was her idea so I went with it.
Let them look, touch and smell before tasting. There are several articles online talking about the six steps to eating a new food if you’re looking for more information. Licking or teeny tiny nibbles was the next step for our girl, and could be something you encourage but without pressure. Remember that trying is a marathon, not a sprint.
Food Chaining
Start with familiar foods and slowly introduce new ones. For example:
If your child loves: Chicken nuggets
→ try store/supermarket-bought nuggets
→ homemade breaded nuggets
→ breaded fish pieces
→ lightly breaded fish fillets
If your child loves: McDonald’s French fries
→ try French fries from other fast food restaurants (Burger King, KFC)
→ French Fries cooked at home from a packet (McCain’s, Supermarket own brand, etc)
→ Homemade French fries
→ Different shapes (potato waffles, alphabet shapes, potato smiles)
→ Fried slices of potato
→ roast potato
→ mashed potato
I’m smiling wryly as I type this, knowing that we have been through what feels like every single style of potato, chip, pasta and rice with no great lasting results - we tried many chip/fry alternatives in 2020, when McDonalds totally shut for six weeks, then more a couple of years ago and again just last week. Oven chips are one of the eight foods that our daughter eats daily (with McDonalds fries at the weekend…. and one or two other times a week in recent times) but lately she has ‘gone off’ the shop bought ones hence the trying of every other kind of chip brand or carb we can think of. I think the only one we haven’t tried yet was suggested by a reader on my Facebook post asking for alternatives to oven chips - potato farls. When I can muster up the energy, we’ll try again, starting with those!
Some other steps might be to think about what textures your child likes? Crunchy, soft, hard, chewy, lumpy or smooth? What flavours do they like? Salty, sweet, sour, or spicy? How do they like their favourite foods prepared - oven baked, grilled, fried, boiled or sautéed? Is there anything they like to eat with their favourite foods (maybe butter, ketchup, mayonnaise, jam, honey?). And finally, involve your child, ask what foods they would like to try in future?
There should never be any pressure to eat anything, and preferred foods should always be offered alongside new foods which are being tried.
Don’t Withhold Food
Starving children to encourage trying new foods is likely to lead to panic, fear and distrust.
I’ve read that it might take children 10-20 exposures of a new food before they will accept it into their diet. I can tell you that I gave our daughter a new food (Scotch pancake, on top of which her beloved Nutella was piled) for over a year before she finally ate the whole pancake rather than scoop the nutella off the top. It probably took at least eight months before she actually nibbled the pancake - I’d say that’s a few more than 10-20 times. Sometimes perseverance is key, but it’s exhausting. Keep going if you can, but try to keep mealtimes relaxed and stress free.
When Your Child Wants to Eat Constantly
This can be especially common around puberty or for children with ADHD. There can be huge swings in hormones which affect levels of attention, hyperactivity and impulsivity, leading to an increase in cravings. As mentioned above, not recognising the feeling of being full, boredom or difficult emotions may also affect eating patterns.
Try not to judge or shame children about their size or choices. Work together to find ways to combat their cravings. Some ideas for support include:
- Visual hunger/fullness scales
- Smaller plates
- Routine snack times and limited access to snacking
- Accessible healthy options
- Encouraging movement/exercise
- Modelling healthy habits
Emotions and what I might have done differently
Feeding challenges bring on that old classic, mum guilt. Along with frustration, fear, exhaustion and grief for the family mealtimes at home or the whole eating out experience we imagined we would be having.
Those feelings are real. And we're not alone in this - just see all the comments left on my recent Facebook post about food challenges! But remember your child isn’t trying to make life difficult - they are trying to feel safe in a world that often feels overwhelming.
So what would I have done differently? Well, I like to remind myself that no parent is perfect; we weren’t given an instruction booklet on how to do this, and we weren’t all given the ‘easy’ version of a child (as if there is such a thing!). But if I could go back, I wish I had somehow found more time when our daughter was younger to try different approaches. Such as cutting her sandwiches into different shapes so she didn’t expect the same every day (such as squares, soldiers, triangles, using cookie cutters shapes).
But, having just read what I’ve written there, I know that I did try those options sporadically. Perhaps it just wasn’t often enough. Or maybe I should have tried using different types of bread each week - but I know from experience that there’s probably only so many times you try this as a parent, seeing the food getting refused and wasted before you settle on what works.
Maybe I could have taken her out to do the supermarket shopping with me more often when she was younger, before she reached the point where she was not happy to leave home… oh, except that she never was happy to be in a supermarket (yes, we tried. I recommend reading or listening to* the chapter my husband wrote in our book PDA in the Family for the full story on how he thought he could easily manage a solo shopping trip with our two girls and how that went for him, ha!).
So I would say don’t be too hard on yourself. Celebrate tiny progress.Give yourself a pat on the back when something works, but don’t berate yourself for not trying something new every single day. And remember - healthy eating is a journey, not a race.
*PDA in the Family is also available on audiobook, my husband and I loved getting the opportunity to record this audio ourselves! There's currently an offer of three months of Audible membership for 99p - just remember to cancel if you don't want to pay full price at the end of the three months!
Final Thoughts: You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Eating doesn’t need to be perfect right now. For some children, a balanced diet is the end point, not the starting line. It may take months or years, and that’s OK.
Focus on:
- Reducing stress
- Building trust around food
- Practising gentle exposure
- Supporting sensory needs
- Choosing connection over control
Food is fuel, yes - but it can also be seen as emotional safety, family culture, memories and comfort. When we put our children's wellbeing first, the rest usually follows in time. Remember you’re not alone, and you’re doing an extraordinary job.
For more support I highly recommend the Young Minds page about Eating Disorders and the BEAT Eating Disorders website as mentioned earlier in my post.
For more support I highly recommend the Young Minds page about Eating Disorders and the BEAT Eating Disorders website as mentioned earlier in my post.
This is one of our all-time favourite food related toys - available at Amazon here (this is an affiliate link): French Fries Plush Toy. For more gift ideas for autistic children, please see my blog post 30 unusual gift ideas for children.
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