The School is Lava {Book Review}

The School is Lava is the latest book release from Danielle Jata-Hall, author of the hugely successful PDA Parenting Blog and previous publications Black Rainbow (read my review post here) and I'm Not Upside Down, I'm Downside Up (review post here).

* The pictures and underlined book titles in this post contain Amazon affiliate links - as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Aimed at young readers, this is a story about a young girl called Liv. Her experience of school is not straightforward. She explains to us what happened from when she started primary school to the point of no longer being able to attend. She finds it increasingly difficult to cope with the daily demands and changes and ends up being labelled with EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance).

The School is Lava tells a tale of how the system does not work for every child. Some might call it school refusal, school avoidance or EBSA, but those terms all place the blame on the child rather than addressing the real issue, which is that many schools are too rigid and inflexible, unable to accommodate the needs of individual children. Liv (Danielle!) suggests using a new acronym: school avoidance for a reason (SAFAR).

Readers begin with this introduction:

Hi, I’m Olivia, but you can call me Liv.

This is a book about why I find it so hard to attend school and why I wish the adults around me understood that better. So I’m going to tell you instead, since I think you might be a better listener!

Maybe you have the same struggles, too?

I don’t even like hearing the word ‘school’ any more; it gives me an allergic reaction, though you won’t see the rash because I’m in my favourite green jumper. The hood goes all the way over my head, and I stretch the bottom part out with my feet so I fit snugly inside it like a giant sock. I like being inside it with my iPad, and I can escape to more fun places away from the reality of school.

If you’re like me, you might even feel blamed for not being able to go to school, just because everybody else can, and you can’t even describe what it is that is so hard about it.

There are five main chapters and the first one is Choosing Time. This looks at the very beginning of school and how children have more freedom to learn and develop in a less stressful way.

When you start school, one of the best bits is that it’s not always about doing work; in the early years, you get to play. Our day was broken up with waking-up activities when we arrived: daily dance in front of the white board, then phonics. We would do some bits of writing and counting, but the day was mostly spent in ‘choosing time’, where we could choose what we wanted to do!

I liked choosing time at school because it felt like I got to be the boss of my own brain. When I pick what I want to do, I feel calmer, and my ideas are always bigger! It’s like my brain has more space to think.

Sometimes, when people tell me what to do all the time, my head feels tight and heavy, and it’s hard to listen. But when I decide for myself, I can go at my own speed, and it feels easier for me to try new things.

I don’t always need to pick what I do, but having a choice helps me feel safe, like I’m in control of my own story. When I get to choose, I’m more excited to learn because it feels like it’s sparking lots of thoughts in my brain, not making my mind go blank.

This book covers a topic that many readers will know is close to my heart after experiencing similar in our family. I've hosted a Not Fine in School series on my blog where many families have shared their challenging school experiences, based on a collaboration with the Not Fine In School website. We know so many families go through this, but many feel so alone and too ashamed to talk about it. 

Our younger daughter went through three schools and a tutor service after leaving the same mainstream primary school her older sister was at, at the age of 10.

She didn’t cause ‘trouble’ in a classroom; she didn’t ‘kick off’ or have violent outbursts, she was more likely to hide under a table when overwhelmed. She would curl up into a mushroom position – the freeze response. Like a panic attack, a result of overwhelm.

When the academic workload increased substantially our daughter began to talk about how she didn't want to be there, how difficult she was finding every day. She became more aware of how different she was to her peers and she asked to be in a school with children who were more like her. She went to a couple of specialist schools but they didn’t really understand PDA and so weren’t able to support her the way she needed. She has always needed support, and encouragement, and people who speak to her in the right way.

The title of this book is a clever play on the game concept that many young people will know, called The Floor is Lava. Liv recalls her experience of being told what to do at school, moving from one task or subject to another and how she wasn't able to make her own choices and move in a way that felt right to her. This had the consequence of leaving her feeling unbalanced and unsafe.

Other chapters are titled The School is Lava, My School Allergy, Burnout and Alternatives. In Alternatives, the reader is introduced to the possibilities of home education and unschooling, with Liv sharing "My mum reassured me that there isn’t a set place to be. She explained to me that there are different ways to home educate, and we can try something called ‘unschooling’ for now, where we forget about learning altogether and just learn to be happy again. She says that when we are ready, we can learn whatever we want. Apparently, we are learning things every day of our lives through everything we do, and sometimes we learn just as many skills outside of school as we do in school. I liked the sound of unschooling and thought it could be much better for me."

The illustrations in this book are colourful and joyful, such as this one below:

Sibling relationships are covered, looking at the differences in reactions from different children, and neurodivergence as a whole plus masking and meltdowns are also brought up in a way that is accessible for younger readers.

I love the ending of the book because it is thoughtful and positive, with Liv reflecting on what has worked well for her while acknowledging that it might not be the best option for every child:

Maybe my journey isn’t the same as yours. Perhaps you’re still stuck in the lava, trying to find the safe spots, and you might feel like there aren’t any options that will work right now. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there is another way. And you deserve to find it too. Learning from home works for me, but maybe there’s something that will work better for you. Can you ask someone you trust to help you find out what choices there are for you, too?

But if it feels like no one else is listening to you, I hope my story reminds you that you are not alone.

You’re not failing. You’re not the problem. And just like me, you deserve to feel safe, happy and free to learn in a way that works for you.

The School is Lava is badged as being suitable for 8-12 year olds but we all know that every child develops at a different rate so this could be helpful for other ages too.

Available now from Amazon as paperback or on Kindle: The School is Lava